We all wish we had superpowers - superhuman strength or the power of flight, and I'm here to tell you that you do. This is how you unleash your powers:
1. Invite your squirmy, wide-awake child into your bed in the middle of the night.
2. Work at drifting back off to sleep despite the disturbance.
3. Hear the words: I think I'm going to barf.
This happened last night. Echo joined us, which I didn't notice until I was woken because I was in trouble for pulling the covers off myself and making her cold. I don't know how she could be cold because I was on FIRE just from being near her. I switched to the outside position and figured it would be dreamtime for us all. Simple as that. Nope, not so simple. Echo was awake and talking and squirming and my sleep stayed shallow at best - so shallow in fact that my waking reality mixed with the dreaming one and soon my experience was that of being pressed on and smothered by a flock of hot, talking seagulls.
When Echo complained of her belly hurting I told her to lie on her left side. When she farted I thought Ah, there we go. That should do the trick. Helloooooo sleep! Nope. I heard those dreaded words.
"I think I'm going to barf" is the world's greatest game changer. We went from mild middle of the night disturbance to all-out emergency state. My superpowers kicked in full force and in less than a tenth of a second I went from prone, to standing with a six-year old child cradled in my arms. From hazy, hot seagulls to standing panic. Of course we didn't make it.
We really didn't make it.
In hindsight the cradle position may not have been a good idea as the projectile vomiting found its target in my face. Full-on barf shower sprayed in my face and then what didn't land there rained back down upon our heads. Nathan awoke to sounds of oh god, oh god, oh god! Bless his heart, he had no idea what was happening as I was completely blind and also completely incapable of describing anything clearly, desperate as I was.
Full shower for two at 4am.
And holy hell I appreciate having a partner. Knowing that I will emerge from the shower to find a bedroom de-barfed and ready for sleep, is possibly the greatest gift one can receive.
Anyway... see how simple it is? Barf in the bed = superhuman powers.
The best argument for co-sleeping or the worst? Discuss.