Back

We are back.

Back in our yellow-walled home full of pets and fairy toys. Back to sisters and elaborate pretends.

By the way, if you were wondering why Xi and Bella didn't come with us on our trip it is because they had the wonderful opportunity to spend Easter with Bella's grandmother on her mother's side. For all of you newcomers, our family structure is a modern one and goes like this: Bella has her own mom, Xi has her own mom, and Echo has me. What they have in common is true sister love (none of that half-sister nonsense) and Nathan as a Papa. So the older girls went to Wyoming with American Girl Dolls and utter giddiness, and we, the remaining three, went to Santa Cruz.

Normally it takes me, maybe, ten seconds to fall asleep at night. Basically I am asleep while brushing my teeth, and last night after a morning in which we woke up at three thirty to make our flight, you would think shut-eye would have come to me even quicker, but nope. There is just so much that goes on for me with a trip "home" and the return to this home. My mind was jumping from one image to another, one thought to another, until I was just flabbergasted by my own mental dartiness. I finally found a neutral, unconnected thought, and let myself fall off the cliff into sleep.

Santa Cruz is where I grew up so just catching the scent of the cement on our street causes an onslaught of feelings. I'm not kidding. A few rain drops plus the pebbly, cream-colored 1920's pavement is a potent perfume. That's just one scent, one sense being triggered! There are so many others at every turn. While there I felt weak at the knees with yearning.

Cruising downtown in my dad's old pick-up with sunshine on my face and Nathan at my side, waving to Em as she walked the dog, grabbing burritos at the classic burrito shack.

Playing under eucalyptus trees.

Swinging on the front porch swing with a friend from kindergarten.

Picking snails from my mom's day lilly bushes.

Blasting Cecilia by Simon and Garfunkel while passing Jeff's house, Austin Collins' (from third grade) house, my elementary school, Malinda Sides' house in 7th grade, the Burdick's house from forever, and the spot where I would walk Emily to school in the mornings when I was too young to go, the spot where I'd grip her like she was leaving for war before turning and walking the block back home.

Because I haven't been there in so long these locations, scents, and images shine out, notable and memorable. And the colors of it all blasts my eyes, filling me with vitamins and nostalgia. Yellows, pinks, light greens, creams, and blues. It is a palette so utterly Santa Cruz that I actually have that thought: Oh these colors are so this place. 

When I am there I want to live there. Eating fresh vegetables from the market, picking oranges from the neighbor's trees, watching Echo accompany my father on his house chores, like removing dead leaves from flower bushes, smelling salt on the air, and living that life.

Yearning, it's not exactly a comfortable feeling. Remember the paragraph above where I describe our modern family? Modern families with all of the trappings don't always fit in a covered wagon for the westward-ho journey. Shared custody schedules are hard to follow from states away. And the house with yellow walls, pets, fairy toys, and sisters? I love that house. 

I love all of it. So of course I had trouble falling asleep. I want it all simultaneously.

My sister's favorite quote these days is by Dr. Seuss and it goes something like: Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened. And I am, I am smiling ear to ear because of the huge dose of sun, love, and family, that we received. I am grinning because Nathan was there, loving that other world too, and Echo was there folding herself in like she had never lived anywhere else. And right now I am listening to two sisters make "the World's Tallest Lego Tower", chickens peep, and Henry-dog snuffle in his bed, and that is all, always smile-worthy.

If only I could just smash it all together, lay geographic regions over one another, and bend time. 

Comments

[lauren]

This brought so many memories back. I could visualize those places in my mind. (Austin Collins....omg) I so wish we could all smash geographic regions over one another and bend time! Santa Cruz sure has a strong magnetic pull!

[Julie Williams]

i'm still waiting for the teleporter to be invented so i can get from one place filled with people that i love to another place as equally filled with people that i love instantaneously.

[Hilaree]

Sigh. My beloved baby brother and his wife and two children live in Santa Rosa. And here we are...in New Hampshire. Yearning is an understatement.

[Kristanne]

So I live in Australia. And my family lives in Seattle. Last week my brother's wife gave birth to twins. The distance is torturous.