Sing It

I think Bobby McPherrin had it right.

Okay it's too simplified, cheesy and totally eighties but Don't Worry Be Happy is making a lot of sense to me these days.

Here is a little song I wrote 
You might want to sing it note for note 
Don't worry be happy 
In every life we have some trouble 
When you worry you make it double 
Don't worry, be happy...... 

There are theories out there for basically anything you wish to believe. On this blog and on Nathan's we've been looking at beliefs about sugar. There is a theory that sugar does not mess with your system, causing it to rush and crash. There are actual studies about this. So today Echo ate 12 mini tootsie rolls. I didn't expect a meltdown and so there wasn't. Read the article if you're thinking I'm crazy right about now. But that's what I mean, it might feel crazy to you, and so you can choose to look at another theory that says things that don't make you feel crazy. 

For me, learning that sugar may not be something that I have a right to majorly over control in our household felt good. I love trusting my kids when it comes to their bodies. I love letting go off the prison warden role. I love trusting that if I don't stand in her way, or make sugar evermore enticing by keeping it out of her hands, that Echo will be able to recognize when she's had too much, or when she doesn't actually want any at all. I didn't love watching her unwrap and eat 12 tootsie rolls, but this is day two trying out this new theory and I bet the amount she is interested in will dramatically change once I've gotten out of the way. In fact the bag sat on the counter, she could have scooped up tootsie number 13, but she didn't. She didn't want anymore, of her own accord.

But sugar is a tangent. The point is that there are theories galore in this world, some that make you want to bury your head in the sand, some that make you laugh, and some that make you want to kill someone. If you want to believe something there are studies that will back you up. I like feeling good, so I've been reaching for more theories that lead me in that direction.

One such theory is that the Universe always says yes, no matter the question. Like Bobby's song says, if you put worry out there, you will get worry back. You say: Worry? and the Universe says: Yes! You say: My kids will have a sugar rush right? and the Universe says: Yes!

But not only does the Universe say Yes!, it also says: Why do you keep asking the same question?

The Universe doesn't forget what has already been asked. Accordingly, it is a waste of time to keep asking, clarifying, and reiterating that, for instance, I want a greater income, a fresh load of wood chips for the driveway, and farmland in Santa Cruz county. Asking and asking in prayers and visions is pointless. According to this theory I've already asked, and the Universe has already granted. 

So far so good, right, but what about the "granted" part.

Apparently the thing that actually brings your desires to fruition is feeling good. If you want to get hippie about it, the idea is to raise ones frequency. Get good vibes going. I naively translated this as, okay if I want wood chips for the driveway but don't have the funds for that particular project right now, I don't have to ask the Universe for it because I already have, I just have to feel good about wood chips in the driveway. So instead of saying: Oh too bad we don't have wood chips yet, I'll say: Oh won't it be so awesome when we have wood chips. ?

But that's not it.

Sure switching from despairing words to optimistic words is helpful, IF the change of language actually helps you feel better. But the larger point is to feel good, period. 

It sounds too simple. It is simple but we don't commonly do it. Mostly we spend our time fretting, complaining, and worrying, then occasionally remember that it's better for us to relax and de-stress. Then we go for a run or bend ourselves about in a yoga class for an hour. Afterward we go back to our auto-pilot of stress and negative thoughts. 

So here is how it goes if you're doing it for real, moment by moment. When I walk outside and remember that I really want wood chips to smooth out our rough post-construction driveway, instead of calculating how much that would cost, and how much we don't have to pay for that, and how scary money is, and how sad the current economy is, and how expensive things are these days, and how freaked out I can get about money, INSTEAD of all of those thoughts I can reach for any one thought that helps me to feel good. It doesn't have to have anything to do with money or wood chips at all, it can be completely unrelated. If I can feel good consistently, then I will have wood chips in the driveway, somehow or other.

Isn't that crazy? Like I said, like the song. So simple. 

Feeling good brings to fruition all of the things you have already asked for. Feeling bad brings to fruition all of the things that you have been worried about. 

Today I felt my body tense with concern about something (not wood chips this time) and then my friend walked in and passed me her happy chubby baby. I buried my face in plump cheek rolls and laughed and became a total lunatic, like most people with a cute baby in their lap do. And I felt my chest open, my breath deepen, and my forehead relax. I was so glad. So glad because I was feeling great in the moment, but doubly great because I remembered that every moment I feel great is another moment where I am attracting all of those things I so dearly want.

Naysayers will say: Well it feels good to sit on the couch all day, but you just can't do that! You've got to pay the bills. And I say: Well does it really feel all that good to sit on the couch all day? Not really, and especially not if there are bills to pay. Naysayers might also say: Isn't that classic avoidance? Like, oh I'm worried about my health so I'll just look at the pretty bird in the tree?! And I say: Exactly! If you have health concerns the very worst thing you can do is fret, worry, and imagine all of the worst case scenarios. Maybe you do look at the pretty bird for a moment, and then from that relaxed, grateful, delighted point of view you look at your health again, making it all the more possible to imagine exactly that, health. 

Again, these are just theories, but if I get to choose, then I'm going for the ones that feel good.

Join me?

Comments

[Kristanne]

Yes! This is exactly what I was trying to convey in a recent post in the Magical Mothering course. And, of course, you've put it so eloquently.
So I want to allow myself to "feel my feelings" but I don't want to invite in the negative. How do you achieve the balance?

[Annie]

I'm in.

[Natalie]

I think "feeling the feeling" and inviting the negative are two different things. I think to live like this theory you have to get super-powerful with your emotional intelligence, be able to instantaneously identify what you are feeling. That feeling may be negative, but if you notice it for what it is right away you *can* actually feel it fully and quickly, and watch watch watch what your thoughts want to do with that feeling. A feeling without thoughts to pull it further downward or along is actually fairly fleeting. Feel the feeling all by itself without creating a story that dramatizes the feeling. Then consciously look for thoughts that are of assistance. I think what most of us do is not notice the feeling until we've been having it for a long time, then create a thought-story that increases that feeling, then add to that story for days, weeks, years, thinking we are just feeling the feeling. The story invites the negative.

[jesi]

oh I want to so bad...