Ripe

The sun on the leaves, the raindrops filtering through the maple trees. The rainbow on the dining room wall. The flurry of robin activity. The gushing beyond its brim river. It is all for me.

I am finally ready. Ready to be picked, ready to fall, PLOP, into this world and into my power.

It may be that I turned thirty-five on Tuesday, that age where the pressure to feel like I've got it together mixes with the spicy scent of life lived and rests on a bed of fluffy perspective. But it might be more than that. When Echo said "Mom! It's your birthday and now you are an old lady!", without reaching for a phrase to shore me up, ones that I could cling to and claim and quiver behind and hope were true, words came unbidden and before I knew it I was grinning ear to ear: "No honey, I am young and strong and the most powerful I have ever been".

Ideas about life have always bounced around me. I grew up in California, for goodness sake, the mecca of modern, forward-thinking life philosophies. I have read most of the books that offer helpful perspectives on life. Well maybe not all, but enough. I actually read the caligraphic quotes found on apartment walls. But I wasn't ready, apparently, to live them out.

Until now.

I can't really explain it, it isn't entirely my calendar age, or my station in life, but as though a door opened in my mind and now I can see the other side. The other side is where all of those thoughts, all those well meaning affirmations and principles are actually being put into place instead of given lip service and feeble attempts. The other side is pretty. I want it. And I am ripe enough to fall, PLOP, right into it.

I mentioned something a few days ago - Don't Worry Be Happy, another one of those catchy phrases that in the past I danced to for a moment and then stepped over. There have been other catch phrases, ones that I grabbed for a instant of triumph while my life was going well and then tossed aside as my life switched tracks and a challenge presented itself. I have been a fair weather friend to philosophical thoughts, I like them when the day is sunny and there is money in the bank, I forget about them entirely when the rain comes. I'm not mad at myself for that but am ready for something else. 

Maybe it's time to get more specific. These are the ideas I see on the other side.

Tell the story I want.

Look for a happier thought.

Be happy and the rest of what I want will come.

The story I want: this means not describing all of the ways in which my children have bothered me, not describing myself negatively even for a moment, not  cataloging woes, wether it is a description of the day or a joke about finances. This is exceedingly difficult. I want to reach for a list of woes like an alcoholic yearns for a drink. Piling them up and sorting through them feels bad in a good way, like sitting with an old friend or cuddling up with a blanket.

Look for a happier thought: Feelings are just feelings, remarkably brief and potent if we give them a chance to flare and burn-out unaided. Unfortunately most of us do not notice our feelings and thus are victim to their manifestations. We feel poorly and then notice data that supports that feeling, which is like pouring gasoline on a flame and blowing. Before we know it we have an entire life, steaming forward in a negative direction. A more helpful version is to notice a feeling immediately, letting the feeling be itself all by itself, and then if it is a feeling we do not enjoy, before a thought story can develop around it, to reach for any thought that feels better than the one that created the feeling in the first place. 

Be happy: looking for and focusing fiercely on any thought that feels good creates happiness. The place of happiness is where we make everything else happen. New ideas, motivation, a sense of plenty of time, patience, inspiration - all of these things are possible from a place of contentment. Tires screech, obstacles pop up, kids fight, the toast burns, and the car won't start when we are away from this place.

Let's get even more specific.

There has been a lot going on around here. Three birthdays in a row, major projects, the end of school, an approaching road trip, holidays, and life in general. Very busy. Yesterday I woke up and wrote a list of things I wanted to get done with several time specific tasks/meetings arrayed throughout the day. A daunting list, an ambitious one. Almost immediately I noticed anxiety. Money stress, time stress, and all the stories I was telling myself about that created anxiety and a sense that I needed to hurry. The dog walk was on that list and "needed" to happen quickly so that the next tasks could happen before we needed to be across town to pick up Xi. I was walking fast, but soon Echo was hopping out of the stroller to toss leaves into the river and forging paths to an imaginary living room nestled in the bushes.

This is ordinarily when I would toss those don't worry be happy philosophical phrases out the window. Afterall things do need to get done, life goes on and bills pile up and children need to be picked up from school. But let's remember my ripeness, let's remember that I saw that other side and want it.

So I stopped my unhelpful thoughts. 

I told a different story about the day and how it was going.

I assured myself that after stepping into happier thoughts, I would feel better, and that if I felt better all of the things on my list would get done.

I had to remind myself again later, but it worked. I did that list, I crossed everything off. I was happy while doing so and my kids were happy.

This how my life has been going. I flipped the switch and now everything is utterly different. It's glowing.

This perspective is applicable to things large and small. I want to get this blog post done so I am tempted to rush, to put off peeing, to put Echo off for a minute or two. Then I remember to breathe deeply for a moment, to pee and enjoy that moment of pause, to choose thoughts that improve my sense of well-being. If I do these things I will have plenty of time. I want more money, and wood chips for the driveway, so I am tempted to fret, rush, panic, and scurry. Then I remember that in this very moment I need only to step closer to the light, step closer to a happier thought, and not only will I feel better, everything I seek will come to pass.

Large or small, it's harder to carry out with areas that stir up stronger feelings. It's easier to find helpful thoughts that ease me away from frustration about blog writing, it's more challenging to find thoughts that shift anxiety about health or money. In these cases thinking about something that isn't money or health but that brings good feelings will do more to positively affect those areas than struggling to find related and helpful thoughts.

My friend Rachel Turiel recently posted about loving what you love. She wrote about grape buds, hops vines, chive flowers, potatoes, green beans, calendula, apples, and tomatoes. And she's right. Spending time, in any form, on the things we love, creates thoughts and feelings that are blissful, and bliss brings everything else our hearts desire.

The thing I love these days is Fairy Food. I want to be in a local craft fair, mingle with fellow artists, and make some cash, but if I am honest with myself I really just like making it. So much. Which is fantastic, because stipling the side of a tiny slice of birthday cake so that it looks like real cake absorbs my attention. I am so absorbed that negative thoughts are barred. I look up from fake pink frosting and find my life better, shinier, happier. 

It works. 

This is what I mean by ripe. It has all been here already, only now I am ready to drop into it. 

Comments

[Amy McGregor]

I didn't say this today because I was embarrassed but when you handed me the plate to see your cakes I reached for one greedily thinking it was a sweet treat for me to partake of! If you can trick someone into almost eating the fairy food you must be doing something right :P And happy happy birthday! I didn't even know! <3 Amy

[Heather]

Oh my goodness, the fairy food the blog post. All wonderful treats!! Happy Belated Birthday!!

[kris laroche]

right on, sister. thanks for spreading the light!

[Joanna]

wish I could transplant your brain into mine right now :) I'll keep trying.

[carrie]

happy birthday
xxxcarrie-anne

[Erin]

i loved this post....the reaching for and the creating of betterment for ourselves and our families as a result :) so many useful things here for me to do and shift, thank you :)

doing what we love equalling bliss, and broadening our heart's energy, all of it rippling outwards...beautiful!

happy birthday...don't tell Echo that one of your audience recently turned 46.....she'll think that's petrified!!