Get Dumber

We know a lot, we do. We've looked at all the elements of our lives and can see it, in plain detail, the reality of our worlds. We've been praised for this. For example, our parents love it when we look at our financial situation and then make a mature decision to not use our student loans for a trip to Peru. We get good thumps on our backs for that sort of thing. And other people praise us too, like when we look at our five-foot frame and make peace with the fact that we won't be on the catwalk for Prada next Spring. Folks love it when we take stock and get our heads out of the clouds, they take large inhales and congratulate us on "working with that which we are dealt".  

I myself have always prided myself for practicality. I listened to the talk of my environment and never wanted to be seen as impractical, gasp!, or naive, even worse! And so I know the allure of doing what makes sense and certainly of not doing anything outwardly that shows any kind of foolishness. I think I've spent a good part of my life dodging the appearance of foolishness. Poor me.

But let me just be clear about one thing. All this care for reality, all this acceptance of what is, only makes sense, only has any merit if you like the reality that you see. In other words, if you are totally cool with the parameters you see before you, if you like the cozy spot that leaves you then by all means make a clear inventory of your edges, definitely talk about it with friends, certainly beat the drum of this reality. Scream it loud.

But if you do not?

Then stop it.

This "reality" thing doesn't even exist. Anything you see is there because you have listened to a story about it, added to that story with your own experience and evidence, and then further cemented that story with complaints, charting, and taking stock of "what is". For instance your mom told you that bad knees run in the family. Then one time in junior high gym you twisted your own going for the volleyball. And now you are fifty-two and one hundred pounds overweight. You'd love to run or do Zumba or Piyo or whatever new-fangled thing the skinny girls are into but you can't. You've got those bad knees. The "reality" is that you're going to be fat and that's all there is to it. Better make peace with what is, right?

Fuck that.

Nobody wants that story to be true, so the obvious urge is to tell a different story. You try waking up each morning and saying: "I HAVE PERFECTLY HEALTHY KNEES!" and it feels right and good and more things feel possible, until you catch yourself in the mirror, or your knees creak while going downstairs, or the dog pees on the rug, or the coffee-hut you frequent is closed for remodel, or any other uncomfortable thought or experience comes your way and then you think: :"This positive thinking thing is BULLSHIT! I've got to get practical. Nothing ever changes with wishful thinking. I either get a second job to pay for Jenny Craig and low-impact water aerobics or I'll be fat forever."

But the problem isn't that you lost track of reality, that you are a fool for trying to think your way to something that feels better. The problem is that you jumped, you made a leap for a story that was so far from the one that you have practised that you don't believe it. And because you don't believe it you actually gather contrary evidence, more examples of how impossible the new story actually is.

The trick is to poke some holes in your original and unwanted story. If you've practised thinking a particular way for a long time you might not even recognize your reality as a story, it feels simply true. It feels so true as to be made of concrete, solid and incontrovertible. But it isn't. Just watch.

Pick a phrase that brings possibility.

I know nothing.

What else is possible?

Nothing stays the same.

I personally like I know nothing because it opens things pretty wide and sort of flies in my face any time I think I know how things work and therefore begin to anticipate any number of "realities". Once you've picked your phrase, use it as a mantra. Use it every time you feel that familiar dread or anxiety. Use it when you figure things are going to go the way they always have. Use it again and again and again.

Then notice.

Notice every time your (now new) reality matches this thought. Notice when the neighbor shovels your walk too instead of stopping at his usual boundary line. Notice when your kids surprisingly engage in some sort of team play instead of continuing the usual argument about couch space. Notice when your hair feels thicker than it usually does. Notice when your usual body lotion is inexplicably a dollar cheaper. Notice. 

Now you've got evidence. Now you've got evidence that your world matches your thoughts. Now you've got confidence, proof that you are a powerful being, proof that what you thought was "reality" is just a set of thoughts repeated over time and not at all a solid edifice impermeable to change.

Oh the possibilities!

Now, just stay with it. Leave all the charting and knowing of the previous story behind. Embark on the strictest thought diet of your life - hug the thoughts that support your new story and turn your back on the ones that do not. Even if "reality" is calling your attention toward them, even then, especially then.

Yes you do know a lot. You have years of experience. You are a veteran of this thing called life. But now that you know so much try knowing nothing. Embrace being less smart, embrace your inner "fool". See where you can go with that.

Comments

[Kristanne]

Goodness! Powerful words. I've lately been exasperated at the kids' fighting. It makes me feel so drained. But everytime they do something nice for each other, I'm making a conscious effort to focus my thoughts on it. Today, at a local playground, my eldest turned down an opportunity to play with a friend of his because he thought his younger brother was lonely and needed someone to play with. Isn't that sweet?

[6512 and growing]

I love how refreshingly helpful reminding myself that "I know nothing," can be.
So grateful for your words here, Natalie.

[Jill Dieser]

This is right where I've been lately, thinking these same thoughts. Thanks for the reiteration. Right on.

[Erin]

I have always had a tendency to embrace my inner fool. My family is finally starting to trust that. They are seeing that positive thoughts really do pay off in an amazing way - you get what you want!

My husband and I have decided that once we get our car paid off that I am going to quit my job and stay home with the babe. Something I have been wanting since he was born! We haven't told many people in order to keep the negative vibes out our direction - only the happy supportive people. It's working!

Thanks a million for this post =)

[Natalie]

Rachel - You are welcome, and right back at ya!

[Natalie]

Jill- Yes, so freeing and simple. Aah.

[Natalie]

Erin, yes! You get what you want!
And you are welcome, of course, and good idea to only share with the positive folk. Everything counts, so if you are susceptible to taking on other people's thoughts like I am, then it's pretty wise to keep your giddy, totally awesome plan to yourself.