Emotional Anatomy!

1. We are all good people! It's true. Underneath our layers of quirks, expressions, behaviors, and feelings we are all inherently pure and good.

2. We all have needs! Every human being has the same set of basic needs. If we get our needs met we feel positive feelings. Some of the needs are easy to imagine: food, shelter, water. Others are less apparent yet still vital: autonomy, creativity, harmony, growth, joy, hope, etc.

Humans have an automatic instinct to look for ways to get their needs met. Sometimes we are conscious of this (like grocery shopping to get our food needs met) and sometimes we aren't. If your kid is acting in ways that completely baffle you, it's likely that he or she is seeking ways to get a need met. If you can detect what that need is the two of you can brainstorm ways to get that need met in a way that is satisfying to all parties. 

3. We all have feelings! Seriously, no matter who you are you have feelings, and so does the guy next to you. Having feelings is OKAY! Feelings are never wrong. Feelings happen but they also shift quickly if allowed expression. This is where empathy comes in. Empathy means recognizing and understanding the feelings of another person. Offering empathy to a child that is experiencing intense emotion builds connection and trust. It also aids a quick processing of that emotion. It also gives the child a safe space to explore the cause of that feeling and find ways to get their needs met. 

4. We all can choose our actions! What we do with our feelings is up to us. Some of these actions help our family or community and some of them don't. In other words, all feelings are okay but all actions are not. Parental guidance about actions should pertain to the actions alone and not the underlying feelings. For example: Discussing the choice to hit when angry instead of talking things out is a worthy discussion, but the parent should be clear that the hitting is what you are discouraging not the anger itself. 

But don't rush! When humans feel strong emotion their executive brain functioning shuts down and the primal brain takes over. It's fight or flight at this point, so a lot of words (or punishment) about choice of action go completely UNHEARD. If you want to be effective in the discussion about actions you have to wait until the executive brain function has turned back on. How do you get it turned back on? Empathy! Offering empathy for the present feelings helps the feelings move up the emotional ladder into milder emotions, at that point the executive brain turns back on and the child can actually hear and understand information and logic.

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My mind has been going crazy. I go to bed around midnight and lately I stare at the ceiling for the next hour spinning through fabulous ideas. I have to stumble into the bathroom and jot them down so that I remember my genius in the morning.

When we started Feeleez we had big dreams of worldwide effectiveness. But we also had babies and no business experience and NO IDEA WHAT WE WERE DOING. It makes me smile now because six years into this we are getting to all of the dreamed of parts. As it turns out businesses need time to mature and the business owners need time as well. Only now are we educated enough, equipped enough, and experienced enough to make our more elaborate Feeleez dreams come true.

I'm talking workshops people.

Major, exciting, informative, life-changing workshops to be presented in schools across the country. Our workshops are designed to create a safe emotional space in the classroom. A safe emotional environment is key to unlocking empathy in children. We have workshops geared to educators, para-educators, counselors, and parents. But we're not stopping there! We also are offering a presentations to the kids too! Think props and humour, think silliness and empowerment. 

See why my mind is spinning! This is so exciting!

I love presenting information, especially information that helps kids to the degree that emotional safety and empathy do. The poster above is one I cooked up to help explain, in our workshops, the way emotional anatomy works.

Enjoy!

 

ps. I'll keep you posted about workshop development and about when we can come to your school.

 

Comments

[6512 and growing]

Yes, yes and one more YES.

[Melissa]

I love this poster! Will it be available in your shop? It is clear, concise, and wonderful!

[Natalie Christensen]

Hi Melissa!
Yes I would love to include this poster in our shop. I was posting it here first to see if there was interest and it sounds like there is! I'll let you know when it's available.
:) Natalie

[Melissa]

Great - thanks!

[Carrie]

I'll take one:)
Love it
Way to go!!
Xx Carrie-anne

[Vanessa]

Have you ever been to the Attachment Parenting Forum on Babycenter.com? Some of the group owners are big followers of Alfie Kohn and it's a great group. You would be a welcome addition and it would also be a way for you to spread the word about Talk Feelez (if you have time to visit).

[Hakea]

I really really like this.I could use a poster in my practice.

I'm using the Feeleez cards every time I work in school. They are especially good for kids with autism.

Are you going to video your workshop sessions so folks from far-flung lands can access all of the goodness?

[Natalie Christensen]

Thanks Vanessa, I'll take a look!

[Natalie Christensen]

Great, great idea! Yes we will video. I'm also thinking that we can offer the parent workshop and the educator workshop via skype. The performance will just have to be video-ed and I'll have to get over my shyness :)

And I'm working on getting the Emotional Anatomy poster in the shop.

xo!

[martha]

I love the poster. It totally makes sense and I could see a lot of ways it would work in tandem with the poster we already have.

You would make a wonderful art teacher imho. I am excited for you that you explored and clarified a sense of value you didn't have before. You are so talented and unique, and kids would gain so much from just being around you - as I know they already do, recess, etc.

hugs to all in missoula.