My friend Rachel at 6512 and Growing shared a story about her son the other day. A gripping story in which she almost lost him. I had to read the story with one eye closed; wanting to continue so that I could find out that he's okay (he is), but also not wanting to continue, not wanting to imagine even for a second the loss of my own child. Her writing is incredible and my heart is still sore from traveling that journey, vicariously, with her. Her boy is like a Harry Potter of our generation - a figure so charming, so self-effacing, and tenderness-inspriring. Even though I read with one eye closed the story slipped into my consciousness.
Last night as I got into bed, in the few moments before I was harnassed by my girl's spiderweb limbs, I thought about the story, about the idea of losing a child. I hate that idea. I am tormented by that idea. I run from that idea. But by then my girl's little hand had found my hair and in incremental bits her body found mine in the big bed, a leg draped, an arm snaked under mine, and I couldn't run. Instead I used the idea of losing a child as a frame, as a viewpoint. My parenting life raced through my mind, montage-style, and with complete and total clarity I realized I have no regrets.
Sweet beautiful relief.
I don't regret the time, or the extended snuggles at bedtime, or the lengthy discussions about someone's feelings about a playmobile figure, or the lack of out-of-home-money-earning, or any of my parenting choices.
I think deep down, despite all the theory we have digested and all of the consulting we've done, and all the reading and experimenting we've immersed ourselves in, my criteria for "good parenting" is exactly this: When the mist clears I want to rest assured that I raised my children in a such a way, in such a conscious gentle way, that I have no regrets.
And it feels weird to pitch something after these thoughts, but really when I talk about our course I am really trying to say this: I am making these parenting choices and they feel SO GOOD. Maybe you don't know about them and maybe you'll try them and feel as good as I do. Maybe you will lay your head on your pillow at night and feel the same way, happy and grateful, and utterly lacking in regret.
If you are interested we'd love to have you aboard. The course begins October 1st. It is an online course that can be done anywhere, anytime. We discuss personal issues and answer questions as we go along. There is also a group call so that we can hear each other's voices and talk about those things that are difficult to type. It lasts six weeks and you carry away a pdf of the course so that you can revisit the ideas as needed. $55 per parenting partnership.
xo
Harry Potter of our generation! Col would love this description.
Posted by: 6512 and growing | 09/19/2013 at 08:20 PM