Fighting Well

This rug is the place to be these days. Kids, cats, and Littlest Pet Shop figurines convene here for hours. Yesterday the girls were hunkered down, speaking sister language about the characters in their games - what their names are, where they live, how many babies they have. In general I tune this stuff out, it comes into my ears as "kids are content" and thus I do what all parents around the world do when their kids are happily busy, my own thing.

Parents aren't fools. We let sleeping dogs lie, er, I mean, playing kids play.

Eventually their play changed tune and began to reach me. Their voices grew louder, higher pitched and anxious. In turn I felt my blood pressure rise. I am triggered by my children fighting. Even now, years and years down this path of parenting with empathy I still have to process my own feelings of nervousness, anxiety, and anger - called forth from sibling fighting, in order to be of any use to them as a parent.

Then I got distracted and turned away for a moment and when my attention returned I eavesdropped a little. To my utter delight they were explaining their perspectives on the situation. Each girl detailed how they came to the game with certain expectations and that now that those expectations weren't being met things were unravelling. They took turns. They empathized, nodding heads in understanding. Basically neither was happy with the direction of the game. They didn't reach a solution. Neither changed her mind.

They just listened.

Big sister Xi asked little sister Echo if she needed a hug. They held each other and rocked and patted backs. Giggles emerged. Then, just like that, they launched back into the game completely unattached to previous expectations, giddy and eager and open to the game going in an entirely different direction.

I didn't even leave my chair. They didn't even notice me snapping the photo.

These girls. These sisters that have fought their entire lives with tears and blood and week-long grudges, well, these sisters still fight. They are never going to agree all day, every day, and that's fine, especially as it seems they have learned how to fight well.

Air your feelings.

Listen.

Empathize.

Touch.

Be Free.

I am so happy. I am happy for me and what this means for our daily life. I am happy to have invested years' worth of time helping them process feelings. I am happy for the girls and what it means for them and their daily lives. And I am over-the-moon happy for the future selves of these girls - how easy they will sit in the face of emotional discomfort, how steady they will stand for the emotional discomfort of others.

May you always fight well girls.