Talk Feeleez

A Taste

The Feeleez Empathy Parenting course is coming! Just one week left to register for this life-changing course. To give you a taste of the topics, and to show you how carefully and lovingly we handle each of your questions during the course, I am sharing this post from a few years back.

The course starts Oct. 1st and runs six weeks. Click on the button to the right to register.

Enjoy!

I follow your blog and have learned tons about parenting with empathy and I am getting stuck on a particular knee-jerk habit that comes from my childhood: punishment. I have a feisty 2.5 yr old son. We have a special dynamic because I have a serious temper. The scene you described with yanking your daughters out of the stroller is very familiar to me. It happens every other day or so. I am seeing a therapist about it, because I know it is abusive, and I am trying my hardest to learn different skills for responding when I feel provoked. i.e. things feel out of control for me. The type of punishment that I want to ask about isn't this rageful reaction, it's the: you were throwing a hard toy and I explained why you shouldn't so I am going to take it away from you. Punishment disguised as natural consequences. But they're not, because they are choices I make about him, his toys, etc. With my son, it seems pretty clear that he has learned to do exactly what I've made clear I don't want him to do. Somehow, I trained him to get my attention through aggravating actions: screaming at the table, throwing hard toys, absolutely refusing to let me put clothes on him, etc. I've created an adversarial relationship with him already! And in the moment it happens, I have the urge to do something, to take the toy, to leave the table, to say, "OK, then we're not going out", which I HATE, because I know that I'm keeping the dynamic going somehow. I guess my problem is not really with punishment, it's how to get back to the sense that he and I are a team, to change the dynamic such that he isn't trying to piss me off all the time. I know it's something I'm doing, I just don't know what it is. OK: it's obvious that this doesn't fall under any neat topic. I know the magic word is empathy, but how do you have empathy with their desire to provoke? "I can see that you really want to make me mad??" Can't be.. "I can tell that you really want my attention." This doesn't at all work with the refusal to get dressed. Which may not actually have anything to do with provoking me, but may just be a frustration with being handled. Well, if any of this brings anything up in you, I'd love a response.

This question is actually a HUGE one that touches on so, so, much. My mind has been spinning for a few days as I think of all of the things that I'd like to say in response. Here goes.

I hear you saying that:

• you love your boy.
• things aren't working.
• you suspect you have responsibility for the current dynamic.
• you want certain behaviors to shift.
• you want connection, a sense that you are on the same team.

So let's look at each one.

You love your boy. This is a fantastic place to start. The love that you feel will carry you through a million interactions, it will inspire you to seek help when things aren't going as well as you'd like, to dig deeper than you ever have before with anyone else in your life. This love means that your son is lucky and that there is fertile ground for a healthy relationship between the two of you.

Things aren't working. No, they aren't. And it sounds so frustrating, tiring, and infuriating. This is not how you want your relationship to proceed. This is not how you want your environment to feel.

You suspect you have responsibility for the current dynamic. And you are right! Although children come with unique and complex personalities, parents are in charge of the emotional and logistical atmosphere in the home. We always have to be the "bigger person" and we can count on our children to provide a reflection of how our actions and thoughts are either working or not working.

You want certain behaviors to shift. Screaming at the table, throwing hard toys, and refusing to get dressed are not working for you. This brings us to the issue of obedience. It is clear from your comment that you do not like your current method of "natural consequences", mostly because there is nothing natural about them, as they are not from naturally occurring phenomenon in his environment, but from his mother. And I agree with you, a natural consequence is feeling cold because you chose not to wear your coat. Yanking a hard toy away because it was thrown is not a natural consequence, it is the consequence of breaking a rule, one not made by mother nature, but by an authority figure.

That being said I can understand wanting a rule about throwing hard toys, or rules about anything for that matter. Children bring so much chaos (so much!) into a parent's life that it is understandable to want to guide things along, making certain actions unacceptable and placing a premium on doing what mom (or dad) says. The problem is that it doesn't work, not to mention that it wreaks havoc on your connection (the next item on your wish list).

When you want him to do, (or not do), something and he is resisting, consider the following:

- It seems counter-intuitive but to have more control you must let go of control. With fewer rules to resist, children resist less. Many of us have created numerous and senseless regulations that are needless. If your boy is resisting the "rules", one option is to rethink your list of "don'ts" and see which can be loosened, and which can be tossed completely.

- Use NO sparingly. This word is most potent when used only in critical moments, such as immediate safety situations. Watering it down by automatically using it at every turn renders it useless. And even if your answer is negative there are ways to frame it so that  there is less friction to brace against.

Yes, I will be able to read you a story, but I want to brush my teeth first. (Instead of: No, not right now.)

That's a possibility. Let me think about what our next steps might be and I'll let you know how we can fit a trip to the park into our day. (Instead of: Well, we have a lot to do today, probably not.)

Yes, I hear that you want to go to the library very badly. I'm not sure we have time today but I know it's important to you and I will work to make that happen as soon as possible. (Instead of: No, not today.)

- Use empathy as a way to teach empathy. "Good" behavior or obedience, can be achieved by encouraging empathic behavior. A child that can recognize feelings as they occur for others automatically considers how their choices are contributing to those feelings. This often results in actions that we have come to consider "polite" or "proper". A child that recognizes another's pain and feels bad for bumping into them will naturally apologize. An enforced Say your sorry! isn't necessary. When given the information that Aunt Flo feels sad when kids chase her cat, an empathic child will, more likely than not, stop chasing the cat. A rule that declares NO CAT CHASING! isn't required. The most effective way to develop empathy in children is to treat them with empathy. 

In your case, you are right, "I can see that you really want to make me mad??" and "I can tell that you really want my attention.", won't work. The first makes an assumption which is unfounded, the second seems a bit abstract for the circumstance of getting dressed. Empathy can be as simple as: 

You are mad, huh?

You don't want to get dressed. You want to keep doing what you are doing, and you'd rather I stop bothering you? 

You're screaming. Are you frustrated?

But more importantly, empathy from a parent is a stance, a frame through which to view your child. It is not something to say and then force the pants on anyway. It is not something to say and then continue ignoring their request for attention. It is not something to say while yanking a toy away. It is not a way to get them to do something they do not want to do. It is a way for you to show them that what they want is noticed, that what they feel is important to you, that their needs and interests are valued. 

What does this have to do with behaviors? Everything. If you give your boy genuine empathy for his emotional state then he will never get to the point where he has to do anything aggravating to get your attention, to be understood, or to have his needs considered.

- Look for the underlying need behind the action. When a child is driven toward a particular action, and especially when they won't stop doing that action, even when you have asked them not to, there is a very good chance that a strong need is their motivation. Look and listen closely, open your mind to strange possibilities and you just might be able to offer information and an alternative solution that meets that need.

I see that you're banging that hammer on the wall... I am concerned about making marks. Are you wanting to fix something and be helpful? Hmmm. Can I set you up with the work bench outside? (Underlying need: purpose, effectiveness, or creativity)

Honey, I asked you to stay out of that tree. It isn't strong enough to hold you. Are you wanting a challenge? Shall we go to the park where you can climb that dragon's tower? ( Meeting the underlying need of: freedom or competence)

Please stop hitting your sister. She doesn't like it and is getting angry. Do you want her attention? Can I help you find a way to get that in a different way? (Meeting the underlying need of: love, to be seen, or companionship)

A complete list of needs can be found here.

- Offer as much information as possible. Disobedience is often due to a lack of understanding, something easily remedied when the parent is willing to take time to explain. We often have very good reasons for asking our children to do something, or to stop doing something, but don't share them. Providing information allows children to see the thought process behind our decisions.

Tommy that stroller was built for a baby doll so I'm pretty sure it can't hold you. Will you climb out of there?

Elizabeth, I notice that the cat is putting her ears back and swishing her tail. I think that means she doesn't like the way you are petting her. Will you try something else?

- Respect children as human beings and treat them accordingly. Children are not pets to be directed with barks and commands. They aren't even yours, they are theirs. They have their own opinions, thoughts and desires and recognizing this will go a long way in getting them to do anything. 

You want connection, a sense that you are on the same team. From my perspective the greatest hurdle to a connection with your son is your perspective. You do not see the two of you as a team,  you see him as an adversary, a person that is "trying to piss me off", that has a built-in "desire to provoke", and chooses "aggravating actions" in order to get your attention. You cannot have connection with someone standing on the opposing riverbank. You, the parent, have to cross over. 

- Empathy is one way to do this. Real empathy as mentioned above, the willingness to put yourself in his shoes.

He is screaming at you not because he wants to bother you, this is not an innate motivation in humans, but because he wants you. You are his end all, be all, and he wants to feel your gaze. This does not mean that you must drop everything you are doing and stare at him every minute of every day, but it does mean that when he indicates a need for your attention, you give him some. Attention seeking, by the way, has gotten a bad rap in recent "parenting theory". It is not, as some would describe it, manipulative. It is survival. Babies and children need their caretakers to fully notice them and their needs or else they will perish. Literally. So be careful about how you see attention seeking, give yourself freely and liberally, and he may not need to scream to get it.

My daughter would rather stay naked than anything else in the world. Getting clothes on that girl is a daily issue. I have to twist my head into her way of thinking time and time again to find empathy, and not become so frustrated that I shout ultimatums or shove her chubby legs into pant holes. 

- A simplified life is another. 

A time crunch is death to a mother/child relationship. When we are in a hurry we do things we wouldn't otherwise do, like shoving our children into car seats, making promises we can't keep, bribing, yelling, dismissing, name-calling. These actions do not create or maintain connection. If we can avoid hurrying we are doing a great service to our children. 

This means literally scheduling less. Days in which you do not leave the house. Days in which there is no need to get dressed. It also means doing less even when we are home. Fewer dishes, fewer loads of laundry, fewer baths, fewer phone calls, fewer t.v. shows. With a schedule like this it seems nothing will ever get done, and perhaps it all takes longer, but without tantrums, crying, and screaming matches, a whole lot more becomes possible. But that is beside the point, connection blossoms under these conditions. Shoving aside a pile of laundry in order to hold each other is worth it.

- Demoting obedience is another.

It's hard to nurture a connection with a raging dictator. Demanding strict, unquestioning obedience is a great way to drive a wedge between two people. When in doubt about any parenting choices, a good reality check is to ask yourself if the considered course of action strengthens your relationship with your child or weakens it. If you always err on the side of strengthening the relationship there will not only be less need to look for or demand obedience, there will also be a sturdy relationship in place to weather any of life's storms.

- Intentional time together is another. 

One hour each day in which you do nothing but focus on your child works wonders for connection. One hour simply tuning in to them and their world without answering the phone, or making lists, or anything else and there will be no way to remain on opposite banks of the river.

There are more ways to connect, specific to each child and each mother. More include:

 

- Being present...taking breaths in the moment, noticing what is happening for the child without saying anything, just keenly observing.

- Asking kid for help with cooking, raking, problem solving, etc.

- Sleeping together as a family.

    

TO SIGN UP FOR THE COURSE JUST CLICK THE "BUY NOW" BUTTON OVER THERE ON THE RIGHT!

No Regret Parenting

My friend Rachel at 6512 and Growing shared a story about her son the other day. A gripping story in which she almost lost him. I had to read the story with one eye closed; wanting to continue so that I could find out that he's okay (he is), but also not wanting to continue, not wanting to imagine even for a second the loss of my own child. Her writing is incredible and my heart is still sore from traveling that journey, vicariously, with her. Her boy is like a Harry Potter of our generation - a figure so charming, so self-effacing, and  tenderness-inspriring. Even though I read with one eye closed the story slipped into my consciousness.

Last night as I got into bed, in the few moments before I was harnassed by my girl's spiderweb limbs, I thought about the story, about the idea of losing a child. I hate that idea. I am tormented by that idea. I run from that idea. But by then my girl's little hand had found my hair and in incremental bits her body found mine in the big bed, a leg draped, an arm snaked under mine, and I couldn't run. Instead I used the idea of losing a child as a frame, as a viewpoint. My parenting life raced through my mind, montage-style, and with complete and total clarity I realized I have no regrets.

Sweet beautiful relief.

I don't regret the time, or the extended snuggles at bedtime, or the lengthy discussions about someone's feelings about a playmobile figure, or the lack of out-of-home-money-earning, or any of my parenting choices.

I think deep down, despite all the theory we have digested and all of the consulting we've done, and all the reading and experimenting we've immersed ourselves in, my criteria for "good parenting" is exactly this: When the mist clears I want to rest assured that I raised my children in a such a way, in such a conscious gentle way, that I have no regrets.

And it feels weird to pitch something after these thoughts, but really when I talk about our course I am really trying to say this: I am making these parenting choices and they feel SO GOOD. Maybe you don't know about them and maybe you'll try them and feel as good as I do. Maybe you will lay your head on your pillow at night and feel the same way, happy and grateful, and utterly lacking in regret.

If you are interested we'd love to have you aboard. The course begins October 1st. It is an online course that can be done anywhere, anytime. We discuss personal issues and answer questions as we go along. There is also a group call so that we can hear each other's voices and talk about those things that are difficult to type. It lasts six weeks and you carry away a pdf of the course so that you can revisit the ideas as needed. $55 per parenting partnership.

xo

 

Giveaway!

Our friend Rachel Turiel, over at 6512andgrowing, is offering a slot in our Parenting With Empathy class!

    

If you don't know Rachel you should. In fact click over there even if you aren't interested in the class, you won't regret it. Rachel writes about:

• food (delicious down-home style recipes for the thrifty and healthy)
• her urban homestead in Durango, CO (chickens and gardens galore)
• her very impressive husband Dan (he hunts, he builds, he parents!)
• her two children, Col and Rose (the antics! The adorable faces! The clever ideas and perspectives of these two!)
• homeschooling
• peaceful parenting
• self-introspection
• and more

    

But here's the thing: this lady could write about ANYTHING and it would make you laugh and cry and squeal with the joy of it all. She's just... good.

    

I love her.

Parenting With Empathy Course!

Nathan and I are offering our popular course in empathy parenting again. Empathy parenting is also known as Gentle Parenting, Connection Parenting, or Natural Parenting and refers to a style that is dependent on cooperation rather than coercion. This class is great for getting a start on parenting your young children or as a complete overhaul if your own current parenting strategies feel lacking.

Course basics:

• This is an online course
• The course runs for six weeks
• Course can be taken alone or with your partner
• You can participate as much or as little as you like
• You can participate from wherever you live, at your own pace
• Unlimited email consultation and support available during the six weeks
• One group call included

Course delves deeply into:

• Empathy
• Relationship
• Praise
• Punishment

Nathan and I will present ideas and parenting strategies weekly and you will have the opportunity to discuss, inquire more deeply, receive feedback and seek help transposing these ideas into your particular family situation.

Cost: $55 per person or couple/partnership

Starts April 8th, 2013

Email me with questions: natalie(at)feeleez.com, or click on the button over there to the right to sign right up! 

ps. This is the same course we offered in the Fall except we have limited the scope in order to focus more fully and avoid overwhelm for participants. Please feel free to take this course again if you please!

It's Best Not to Get Too Cocky

We're headed into Week Five of our six-week parenting course. In the class Nathan and I each write about a topic, post it, and then read what we both wrote. In his posts he's always helping us all feel better by reminding us that parenting in a conscious way is like yoga, you just keep practicing until it becomes more natural. I love that metaphor because even the most "advanced" yogis use that word. They don't "do" yoga, or "achieve" yoga, or "complete" yoga, they practice it. Everyday. And their back muscles ripple.

When you practice yoga everyday you don't think much of winging yourself into a headstand or folding yourself into what once looked like a ridiculous licorice-vine thingy. And the same is true for parenting consciously (as opposed to reflexively- repeating words and actions that you wish you didn't or that don't even work). And it's embarrassing, but I pretty much thought I/we made up this whole empathy parenting thing, so I figured that I was practically always in good form, always well-practiced.

Ha ha.

I now know that I too need to practice everyday, that I too get rusty, that parenting headstands are really really hard if you've gone slack for a bit. I didn't know I'd gone slack. But I had and the way I found out is by giving the parenting class again. We go through six topics in detail - the same team concept, empathy, ditching praise and punishment, modeling, story, and having fun - and it's not as though I was that far off track, dishing out punishment and gold stars and yanking arms and threatening, but I wasn't completely on-track either.

But a funny thing happens when you write and edit a 2,000 word post on empathy. Let's just say the concept stays on your mind. So when Echo screeched at Xi about the (f-ing) blue ball and Xi "defended" herself with her scraggly nails, and Echo screeched some more and called her stupid and whacked her in the arm, and I started to panic (as I always do in the first millisecond when this sort of thing happens, no matter how much practice I have) and ran through several possible and unhelpful reactions, like popping the blue ball, or sending Xi off to do the chore she forgot to do, or getting angry at them, I didn't. Because I had just written about the wonders of empathy and how it works!

Instead I said: "Oh man, you guys are having a hard time huh?"

And things unfolded from there.

When Bella was reading a book on the couch (because she's a pre-teen and will suddenly swing wildly from playing fairies or barbies to more "grown-up" activities) and Echo purposely stood right next to her doing annoying things and I looked away and then looked back to see Bella karate kick Echo in the neck... it was right on the heels of Week One of the course in which we talk about being on the Same Team as your children. Part of this concept is assuming the best of them. So I yelled "BELLA!!!" with anger and shock. Then I remembered that whole assuming the best thing and wrangled my feelings and actions accordingly. Instead of saying "Why the fuck did you kick her in the neck???" I said: "What happened?" And when Bella said she didn't mean to kick her, that she was only trying to get off the couch and things went awry, I didn't contradict her, I didn't look at her doubtfully, or suspiciously. I assumed the best of them both, and gave empathy for the rough time they were having.

Basically I am a student in my own class.

When Echo was moping around at the craft fair booth yesterday, hanging from my neck, whining, talking to me in ways I hated, complaining of the heat before the baking sunlight had even made it's way under our umbrella, I almost lost my shit. Almost. Then I remembered self-empathy! It sucks when your kid is hot and crabby and being lame. It's really hard! Week Two, secondary post!

Also yesterday, when Echo wouldn't let Xi have any of the grapes, I pulled at the tub and pried her little grubby fingers from the edge. I gave Xi some grapes and then remembered Nathan's post from last week about control. Oops. He says the more you attempt to exert it the more apparent you have made it that you have none. Echo was a pile of tears, and I soon realized that grapes were less an issue than my aggressive attempts to address the situation. Apologies, empathy, and self-empathy for my remorse followed.

Yep, it's best not to get too cocky about this sort of thing. 

Anyway, happy Monday. We're looking at some blogging, some Feeleez business, errands, and hopefully a dip in the river. What about you?

Oh! And also, we're still looking for votes in order to win the Mission Small Business grant. Feeleez could receive $250,000 from Chase Bank if we get 250 votes by Saturday. We currently have 130. About two hundred of you read this blog each day, if you all vote then we'll make it! (I know some of you have already voted, thank you!) Follow the link, click on "learn more", click "login and support", type in FEELEEZ and vote. Thank you!

 

 

Summer- Are You Ready?

I was going to post a little statement on Facebook about how summer is coming and instead of dreading the increased kid-time, sibling squabbles, and family struggles that often come with increased time spent in one anothers presence, one could sign up for our parenting e-course and enter summer with a set of intentions that smooth out those wrinkles- like connection, empathy, and trust. I still might write that statement and post it to my profile, like a good business owner should, but I haven't yet because before I made it to the computer my brain scanned across my own set of kids, dates, summer custody scheduling and obligations and fell into a near panic.

It seems that I too need to sign up for the course!

My mind flashed on the current dynamic between Xi and Echo in which the after school hours are rife, and I mean f-ing rife, with hostility and tension. It seems Xi resents Echo's very presence and Echo, like any human would, resents this resentment and therefore makes her presence ever more known. I'm too familiar with this current dynamic as well as my personal lack of helpful perspective on this very dynamic and the thought of stretching that dynamic out, not across just after-school afternoons but across weeks and weeks of summer makes my courage shrivel and wither. 

And then as Nathan and I were going over the schedule, as we are wont to do at midnight, right when I am most sleepy and vulnerable to stress, we realized that Bella arrives on saturday. Bella's schedule is any loving parents nightmare because her other house is now located very very far away. We get her for holidays and eight weeks of summer. Which means that we suffer a serious Bella-drought through the school season (once again thank god for Skype!) and live for the weeks when  she is a living, breathing, in-human-form member of this family. We never feel complete without her and thus live for a Bella-filled summer. 

But remember that I was in a mild pre-summer panic and suddenly I had news that our biggest, most impulsive, most animated child would be upon us in four days. Suddenly I forgot entirely what a three-child dynamic was. I forgot what Bella liked to eat. I forgot whether or not her drawers were stocked. I, obviously, felt ill-prepared. 

I too need to take the e-course!

Recently I got an email from a dear friend and she listed a few really lovely parenting intentions she is putting in place before the summer and one of them stood out for me. She is planning on not taking sides in her children's arguments. She's not going to threaten or punish. Again I cast both backward over the past few months, and forward into summer, and knew at once my intentions in this arena needed to be adjusted immediately. I do all right on the not punishing and threatening part, that stuff is habit for me at this point in Unconditional Parenting. And before I read my friend's intentions I thought I was doing okay in the not taking sides department too, but then I realized that it's not exactly true. My response lately, during the after-school hostility hours when the space between Echo's body and Xi's body is in hot contention, I don't take sides per se, I just decide that both of them are wrong. Oops.

I'm facing an entire summer in which the space between three bodies is sure to come into play, if not into outright war. I better get my game head screwed on straight.

I went to bed, way too late since our midnight scheduling conversation and the imminent dates caught us by surprise. But I brought a meditation CD with me to stave off the panic, and a deep gratitude for the e-course starting next Monday. I know for sure that the couples signing up will get a good deal and find hope and connection and new ideas but now I also know that I too will receive that. In helping others I'll help myself. As I answer questions about siblings crashing one anothers lego towers I will renew my own stance on siblings crashing lego towers. As I give it I will receive. What a lovely set up.

And really it comes just in time.

Happy summer beginnings friends. There really are only a handful of these in a child's life, may you sail through with good intentions and even better follow-throughs. 

Strengths and Weaknesses

It turns out I am a much better facilitator of a parenting course than I am an HTML coder-person. As it turns out the "Buy Now" button for our Parenting Course hasn't been working for several days.

Oops! 

Sorry about that folks. But things are a-okay now. In case you're late to the game, our course is an e-course that you can complete at your own pace. It runs six weeks and will cover six main topics of empathy-based parenting. Nathan and I will be available for unlimited email support during the class and will run real-life scenarios. This class is great for getting a start on parenting your young children or as a complete overhaul if your own current parenting strategy seems to be lacking.

Class starts in 2 weeks! Join us!

Giveaway!

Our awesome friend Rachel Turiel of the blog 6512 and Growing is offering a giveaway for a slot in our parenting course! 

Rachel's is by far the blog that makes me smile the widest and the longest. She is funny and smart. She's so clever that there isn't a post that goes by where I don't wish I wrote at least one of the phrases. Seriously, even if you don't enter the giveaway go on over there and get yourself hooked. This girl is seriously up and coming.

Class starts May 28th, maybe you will be the lucky mama or papa!

Testify

Here's a letter from a past particpant of our e-course. She said we could share this with you in case you were wondering wether or not to make the leap. The class starts May 28th. Hope you join us!

My husband and I are learning a ton from you and Nathan with this course. It was not our natural way nor was it what we were used to seeing from friends and family, but it is so working, even at times when I thought it wouldn't. 

Our son was really having a hard time transitioning with a new little one in the house, and it was really hard for us in an especially tiring time. But little by little, I see improvements in his behavior, which I know isn't always what you get, but it was so needed to make our family work together. Thank you. 


Thanks, again, for the course. Super glad I signed up.

Annie

P.S. I love when others post a comment with a situation and you reply to that specific situation. Even if it's not a situation I have experienced with my own kids (my kids seem to be younger than others in the group), I learn A LOT through the exchange, even for my own situations. The philosophy in practice really helps, especially when you almost take on the persona of the person's child to show what that kid might be feeling and relate that to us. Super helpful. 

Encore! Encore!

 If you missed it the first time, here's your chance! The Parenting on the Same Team - He Said She Said, eCourse!

We offered this course in the fall to rave reviews. Over six weeks we discussed six juicy topics with like-minded parents all over the country. A good time was had by all and Nathan and I felt the full pleasure of working with a powerful community. In fact, the course meant so much to us and the participants that we want to do a sequel. In prelude to that next step we're offering this first course again to gather ever more parents before we move on.

Parenting on the Same Team is the premise - a way of parenting that involves "working with" versus "doing to". (Others call this Gentle Parenting, Peaceful Parenting, or Natural Parenting.) We will cover the basic day to day realities of what that looks like as well as the conceptual and philosophical perspectives that, whether or not we like it, always accompany us for all of our parenting moments. 

Topics include but are not limited to:

• Battlefield Moments and Tactics
• Leadership
• Our Underlying Stories and how they help or hinder us.
• Praise
• Punishment
• Empathy
• Acceptance
• Grief and Guilt
• Fun

(We'll also include several personal challenges each week. Homework, if you so choose.)

We hope to not only share our personal parenting style, from top to bottom, but to also invigorate, inspire hope, offer support, and develop a community of like-minded parents we all will enjoy.

Participants can involve themselves intensely- joining in each discussion, asking for advice on specific issues, and posing questions, or as lightly as they like - simply reading along anonymously. Participants will also receive discounts on any of our services. 

Join us!

Starting May 28th

Price: $50

Email us for scholarship information.

ps. A word about the format. We will be using a private, password protected blog for the course. Discussion will take place in the comment section and/or a forum. We selected this format so that our friends all over the world can join in at their convenience. After you sign up via paypal we will contact everyone with an address and password.